I made one very big mistake in my relationship with my wife.  During our first Christmas together before we were married we had very little money and she thought it would be a good idea if we didn't buy each other anything.  I thought that meant nothing, nada, zero, zilch.  Seems like when a woman says
let's not get each other anything that is not what it means.  I found out in May that it means get me something, I don't care what,  but you had better not show up empty handed.  Do you have any idea how much emotion can build up in five months?  I do and I suggest you never, ever, fall for the don't get me anything scam.  It's not worth it. 

I think she's trying to kill me.  In my sandwich today was a twistie tie that you use to close up the bread.
I took a bite and it hung out of my mouth like a twistie tie will do.  I am glad that I didn't swallow it but I don't think I will live it down anytime soon as I lunch with five other guys that saw the whole thing.  This would probably not have been such a big deal if it was only the first time that it happened. The guys think she's trying to kill me too.  This reminds me of the time I was awakened in the middle of the night with a nagging cough that wouldn't let up.  She graciously asked if I would like some water.  I nodded because I couldn't talk between gasps.  She gets up,  goes to the kitchen and as I wait patiently for her return, hear sounds in the kitchen of cheese being unwrapped.  You know the sound the plastic makes when you peel the cheese out of it?  Well three or four minutes later she is back and crawls into bed sucking the bread and cheese out of her teeth and rolls over and goes back to sleep. REALLY?

I love her, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

My life is never boring.  Take today for example, my wife and I go to BJ's to look around and do a little shopping.  As we peruse the spring display she eyes a hammock and exclaims, " Oh look! A
hammock for the grandkids!"  It would be a hammock if the grandkids were twelve inches long and
weighed no more than five pounds.  Really who in their right mind thinks this miniature display is for sale.